every beat of my heart

Thursday, May 29, 2008

woah
one night, 6 surveys $66 dollars :p
unfortunately, pay comes at the end of the month. doesnt help much either but better than nothing.!

anyway,
i realised that honestly,
Indians are the best friends to befriend. they are super friendly even though i was a stranger. somehow along the way, it's really interesting to be talking to them. at least they show more patience and interest along to the way to input more comments (:
but still,
thanks to the people who so willingly agreed my approaches. And the most amazing was my last interview that was at bout 1045? yeah. the indian FAMILY took it (: haha. nice.

kk that's all i have.
dead beat
nights.

*throbs @01:14
0 <3

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

emo-fied

roar.
i dunno what to say.
i only know it made me smile when i saw the sms (:
you know wad, i dunno why but i kept checking my phone hoping to see a text, any text. sometimes i just wish you would make them come more often.
i guess it only made my night for that short moment.

it's intriguing jud's post. about the Jesus studying Carpentry and Theology thingy. if only i could be like Jesus, not worrying and always praying, having all the faith in the world.

but i guess my faith came crashing through?
would i say it's a good thing afterall? since i never wanted NUS right? well, i've gotten my desire now, access denied. i cant say i have the faith for NTU now can i? even jud got rejected considering her results were better than mine. thanks to all those who've been telling me not to worry bout uni. but honestly, it really iz hard to worry ): ): ): i wish i could just find someone i feel comfortable talking to, to pour everything out to.

emo-fied day.

doesn't exactly help being caught in the rain.
i lost my cool. slammed someone hard and yet it brought tears to my face. frustration.

got some not so good job but for the sake of the finances i took it anyhow. transportation fees are not covered and they kinda expect us to be travelling.
selling flowers would have been a better idea if they offered basic pay.

tmr i'm going down for another 2 interviews.
1. munch saladwerks. sounds interesting
2. some events and marketing position.

called through to some tuition coordinating job, they said they'll get back to me on fri. that one's a good deal honestly.

i guess the one good thing that happened today was spending 2hours in starbucks, drinking my caramel frappa and i completed 600 words of my 1000 word essay. words just flowed like a river of thoughts running all over. i need to do it more often. sit down and really get some work done. too bad that's the only starbucks i tink i can afford for the recent future. ARGH. but it's good to give in to temptation once in a while esp when you're juz feeling down and grumpy and ya.

looking beyond my problems and knowing that God IS in control!
i DESPERATELY need to drill that into me.

*throbs @00:50
0 <3

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

blues! randomness!

nope.
monday blues aren't reserved only for mondays.

apparently tuesdays do have blues too. maybe it's cuz monday was a public holiday which felt like a sunday so tuesday took monday's place and yaaaaa. if you get what i meant.

well, natalia has been looking for comfort food the past few days. yes, comfort food.
this morning's interview i'd say was screwed up. it's a tupid system that's so rigid for a start. people who come late still gets to go first cuz their time slot comes first. why cant it be a first come first serve basis?! it's unfair that people who dun have time sense still gets the benefit of doubt.

and so i know that MOE iz in need of CHINESE TEACHERS. but it's wrong for the interviewers to assume that everyone who's there put chinese as option of teaching subj. and they were so insistent on chinese and i'm so adamant that i cannot teach chinese for nuts.

and the system doesn't allow switch of courses. so i guess even NIE iz out for me. ):

was talking to my grandma,
i honestly feel. if this year i dun get into the uni of my choice. it's either overseas or i work.
i'm thinking, if i really do skip uni (YAY(:) and start work, i tink i wouldnt want to study anymore.... good idea? :D
den comes the problem,
who's gonna hire me?! hmmm

nvm,
i had ice cream, sushi and yoghurt ice cream.
next up, i feel like eating ~~tangyuan~~, cheesecakes and lotsa honeystars.
i'm glad i took a cycle for 30mins under the hothotsun. now i feel sweated out BUT i got tanned. that's how scorched the sun iz.

i've been thinking,
i tink i've been on an emotional roller coaster the past few days.
and looking at my little new nephew, i've been really wondering.
i tink i will get post-natal depression when i have my precious little child next time.

[EDIT]
OMG!!!! (:
I MISSED A CALL. AND I CALLED BACK AND OMG!! IT'S A JOB VACANCY!!!! PRAISE THE LORD! shall head down tmr to see (:
it's a MLM. unless you're interested in selling calcium ion-ated water, do not entertain calls from Venture Era Group.

*throbs @15:39
0 <3

lovely weekend! (:

(:
i love my mummy
(:

she never fails to make a bad thing good (:
first,
mummy got me a new phone (: since my own phone is experiencing WARFARE and i'm still a little upset though. but she put it first priority! so juz hours ago i got my new phone. and knowing that i was sad cuz everything inside was still gone, we made our way to nokia service centre to see if anything could be done. sweet but it was unfortunately closed.
second,
dinnered to my cravings for sushi.
(CS sakae has really lousy standards)
third,
charles and keith iz a stupid shop that has shoes that i like but no size!! ): ): ): drats. but mummy bought me 2other pairs that are less comparable but still lovely (:
fourth,
mummy allowed ice cream waffles and additional brownies indulgence before dinner! (: haagen daz!
fifth,
mummy let me buy a pretty gray jacket that looks casual yet formal (: smth that jianda iz looking for i tink. haha! but unfortunately it's ladies :p

so today i'm a happy girl. it's been long since i last shopped. and yes, this iz probably the few times it's shopping with lotsa bags in my hand (: it felt like REALLY shopping (:
and mummy's funny. she bought herself a fishy necklace. and when she placed it in her drawer, she said, "oh my, it's an aquarium" :D lolol

anyway, weather these few days were scorched.
luckily today there was swim with clique in changi rise (:
didnt get too tanned(thank goodness) but it was fun to be back in water (: but nope, i'm not a water addict like fishy iz :D jud even brought potato chips and jelly beans which were gone in minutes during our mini 'picnic' by the poolside. photos should be on jud's blog soon! (:

sunday was great day too (:
thank god for public holidays (:
the time gatherings all start popping out in throves (:
HC outing 3pm to zihui's. honestly, i thought it would be boring so i didnt expect much. but it turned out super fun i didnt want to leave. haha (: okay, only the seniors turned up and zihui. but lina and adila are so funny. haha :D we went nuts singing karaoke together :D all the older songs that are really good karaoke songs. and even though i had no voice :p
2Ho3 outing 6pm at The Coffee Showcase. if you've never been to this place. make sure you go at least once. food nice and reasonably priced. near original katong laksa. it was nice catching up with peeps (: really long time no see. all grown up but yet still like before (: and they satisfied a longing to play pool too :D although i still suck at it :p

last but not least, saturday was great too! (:
so i'd say it's an eventful long weekend.
which i better go to sleep now in preparation for my interview tmr! x)
wish me God-incidences! (:

*throbs @00:23
0 <3

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Lord, i need you!

Dear God,

Help me, please.
I need You.

I cannot find peace. And there's no multitude of counsel to seek. Lord, I pray that even though my leaders are not around, strengthen me, that You may use me in a more mighty way. I want to be more upwardly mobile.

Lord, I pray that You will put the things in Your Heart in mine.
Take away confusion and disillusionment so that I may find peace in my thoughts. Mixed emotions aren't great things to feel, but Lord, let it really be Your plan. Knowing that if it's not from You, nothing I can do by myself will make things turn out good.

So Lord, I pray, please make this decision be Your plan for me.

Thank you Lord.

the next CGM will be better.
make it happen
it shouldnt happen because it's Serena leading praise and worship or Kenneth preaching. every member is the CGL of the CG. drill that into you.

*throbs @23:57
0 <3

Monday, May 12, 2008

indecisiveness ):

):
too many things are on my mind.
it's really bugging me and it's dragging me down.
confusion.. dilemma.. silently creeps. ready to pounce.
ready for the kill. )':

i need to get it off my mind.
i need to. desperately. ):
it's eating me inside out. turning my joy into a deep sharp pain in my heart. i cant bear to leave things all as it iz when it's juz about to pick up. no i dun wan to. i really dun )':

sometimes i wish for something more.
sometimes i really wish things dun have to turn out this way, leaving me with no other option than this.

indecisiveness.
live with it.

and it still boils down to one option left.
do you tink you'll still follow me no matter where i go?
i dun feel like studying. anymore. no i really dun.
)':

*throbs @23:39
0 <3

Sunday, May 11, 2008

congratulations kenneth and serena!

CONGRATULATIONS KENNETH AND SERENA! (:

well (:
TODAY iz the day. the day that we've been all helping to prepare for after longlonglong time ago (: 0kay i know, even though i'm not the one getting married i cant help but be excited that it's happening. well, i've said that to many people already so it's a known fact! ( :

i feel love bubbling from inside of me.
touched by the overflow of love outpouring from the couple.
i really really really love the wedding, decorations and planning and the thing itself. i wanna have my wedding juz like that. the photos were wow so were the video and montage, and most of all, everything ran smoothly.

maybe this iz a season for the lovey dovey touch. hmmm. but i dun tink i'm getting married soon. like DUH. x) i'm barely 20 :p (ok, i juz revealed my age not that you do not know of) but ANYWAY, i'm touched by the little little things that they do for each other. i'm blessed to have a leader like kenneth and yes, i'm really wishing they both move on from honeymoon, past the party's over to mature love.
Tender
Respect/responsibility
Understanding
Security
Transparency

pastor shared a good short word and once again,
congratulations to the newly wedded (:
enjoy your honeymoon! (:
(while we toil away for the Kingdom of God! :p)

*throbs @01:01
0 <3

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

happy monday (:

roar pfft.
today's monday.
it was a happy monday (:
of cuz last night was the highlight that made today great.
but anyway! excitedly started school today. ended school. headed down to ahs to asc but closed to my dismay.. got the phone number from the GO to call tmr(which i need to remind myself to) and yaaaa headed home. did a little chores, and while my daddy was massaging my stupid knee for me i fell asleep. loves my daddy.

headed out for dinner after.
it was a nice comfortable meal. thank you for taking the effort.

anyway my daddy was really nice. cuz my knee has juz begun hurting of late. which kinda sucks big time. i tink it's the heels that's causing the pain..... but my slippers have yet to be replaced. til den, i'm wearing heels. but anyway, so daddy massaged my knee for me with that smelly oilment (:

i was really thinking,
no matter how old you really become, no matter what happens, your parents will always still regard you as their child. i guess that's why we need to have parents. i can only give my love to them both individually.
I HEART MY MAMA AND PAPA!

*throbs @00:54
0 <3

Monday, May 05, 2008

happy birthday andrea!

(:
tonight i'm all smiles and grins (:
i smiled until my face ached but i couldnt take that smile away from my face (:

i gave andrea her surprise and yeah i'm glad i made it happen (:
okayyyy, i know i almost panicked..
i was freaking out at home when i asked my mum to drive me down..
i was freaking out in the car when i asked leeying to help me keep andrea awake..
i was freaking out when jianda told me directions to the place.
i was freaking out standing outside her place and calling her.

haha :p

but i had fun (:
my mama cant understand why i get so excited. i mean, i bet she did that in the past.. like surprise friends on their birthdays..
but no. she says not everyone like you so BO ENG. haha :p
anyway, i promised to wash the clothes cuz she drove me down (: i'm more than willing!! (: else i would have to cycle down myself please.. haha x)

but anyway,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDREA! (:

yuppyupp.
nothing much to update! (:
love kids that's all i can say,
and i realised that most kids juz simply love to have their photos taken and viewed immediately. it's like cheap thrill but they really enjoy it. AND it makes them happy which makes me really really happy (: amen.

*throbs @00:59
0 <3

Thursday, May 01, 2008

climbing

oh yeah.
i'm back for an entry again (:

monday went for dinner with clique! (: well only half of them. (: bugis pasta mania!!!!! waha okay. not a really huge pasta mania fan PLUS i had no appetite ): so it was veggie spaghetti for me. it was juz great to see them again. like really long never see le. to tink i didnt even know shu's wearing a back brace now ): i'm a bad friend. SORRY!!! i guess we need to meet up more often for maybe sports (: yeah. blading.
left early to head home, to send some of sis' stuff over to cousin's place.

bummer.. i've been spending my afternoons sleeping whenever i can. it's argh. irritating cuz i do have stuff to do. and i always end up procrastinating. pfft.

anyway..
juz came back from climbing again.
this time round it's all bouldering. i'd say it was fine. my arms now have no strength to exert much force. to tink that i could even press my body spray earlier juz now whilst changing. ha ha.
so yupp. met like a million and one pro seasoned climbers from NTU. haha low morale!!! x) no technique and weak me am intimidated. and yes. I HATE THOSE SHOES TERRIBLY!!! ):< my second time wearing it and it's taking a toil on my poor feet. those feet are suppose to be adorned in glass slippers felt as thought it was being binded like ancient chinese women. blistering. calluses are so gonna be popping out soon ): rah. but sigh, i'd say i'm SLOWLY getting used to walking on walls ba. okay i can walk on them yet. it's crawling and being sprawled all over it. haha :D

but it was fun. and ex though. i wonder when my next time there will be.

til den,
TOY MUSEUM OUTING TMR!( :
LOVES!

*throbs @00:40
0 <3